Daily Prompt: Silence

via Daily Prompt: Silence

I was taught that silence was golden, so i kept quiet when my baba hugged my brother and not me.

I was taught that silence was golden, so I kept quiet when I was taught how to cook and not how to read.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when my 45 year old ‘chacha‘ had his fun with me.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when I suddenly had a 50 year old husband to take care of as soon as I started to bleed.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he took out his anger on me everyday.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when his friends and him played ‘games’ with me.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he asked me leave my little girls because they would be ‘burdens’.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet as he kept trying to have a boy.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he left me, because he got bored eventually.

I was taught silence was golden, so i keep quiet in the dark alley as i draw my last breath.

And I was going to be silent, for one last time.

 

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The yellow sheets.

They came out of the dryer, fresh- like my memories of it. 

These sheets were what I saw everyday (alternating with the blue ones) for almost 25 days. They saw me crying out of loneliness, frustration, sadness. They’ve seen droppings of pizza crust. They’ve seen the sweat while sleeping, because it was bloody hot. Most importantly, they’ve seen me change as a person in just 25 days. 

It’s still hard to believe. When I walked in the first day with amma, to the 2BHK apartment, all i could think was “oh lord there are more rooms here than the people living here!” 

I, who spent 17 years sheltered under the protective wings of my parents, was suddenly left, to fly alone. The unexpected freedom was… strange. “How do I not spend through all of my cash in the first week?”  I didn’t have any control! What was my parents doing leaving me alone in a new city! 

Studies took up most of my time there; because I didn’t have a TV nor wifi. Funny story, I’d taken a postpaid connection and my bill for the FIRST WEEK was Rs 2000. Clearly, I had absolutely no clue about the pricing here. My dad quickly changed my sim to a pre-paid one. Good thinking, dad.

Spending all my life in a middle east country, taxes were something foreign. So when I bought my first coffee from CCD worth, Rs 80 and paid almost Rs 150 for it, I couldn’t believe it. I stuck to street food after that.

Everyone warned me about the Chennai heat. I thought it would be fine since I came from a desert like nation. What I failed to count in was, even though the summers in Bahrain were hot, I didn’t feel it much as there was Air Conditioning all around me. So the heat was pretty much unbearable. I resort to sleeping on the floor because it was the coolest. 

What i think about the most is that, I was alone in a new city; yet I spent most of my time in my flat, with my yellow sheet. It will hold the memories of the transition of a young, spoilt, introverted mama’s girl to a pretty strong, confident, girl who I’d say is an ambivert now. 

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Fangirl

People don’t seem to understand us,

I mean, why would they?

We are the ‘losers’ of the society.

The ones who have no social life

The depressed ones, the lonely weaklings:

The *shhh* fangirls.

How many of us are laughed at everyday,

because we didn’t have a date on a saturday night 

(Not with a real person anyway)

we said “I have some assignments. We’ll hang our later?” –

as we pressed ‘next episode’

we hid our fictional obsessions,

acted like normal;

like we gave a damn about the real world.

but what they didn’t see was that

behind those computer screens,

was a girl or a boy

who wouldn’t have been here 

if it weren’t for their favorite show,

or their favorite artist, or that favorite band.

Some wake up the next day:

‘Cause if Dean Winchester, the vessel of Lucifer(!), is still fighting everyday,

Then they sure as hell can wake up today.

they listen to fall out boy,

they relate to the lyrics.

they listen to twenty one pilots,

they relate to the artist;

“Damn if Tyler is still here,

Trying to make us happy,

how dare I give up?”

they hear david bowie singing-

they COULD be heroes. And they will.

being in a fandom, isn’t ‘lame’

how amazing is it,

People bonding over a show or a book.

some best friends are made that way.

So,when someone says,

“They saved me, man”

Don’t mock them.

‘Cause you don’t know their battles like they do,

you don’t know what they struggle with every day,

you don’t know their story,

hell, I’ll say it-

You know nothing. (Jon Snow!)

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