Untitled #3

Standing there pouring sunscreen onto my face, 

I look at the oh-so-wonderful hanging gardens of babylon 

Working my way up the 7 wonders of the world, 

I should’ve felt happy;ecstatic. 

But I felt like I was in the Sahara Desert, 

Walking around for some water, 

To quench my thirst. 

But this thirst, 

This thirst didn’t go away so easily. 

It was difficult to explain- yet easy to feel

This thirst, that’s been there with me for so long, 

It had been my silent partner, 

Some partner, I didn’t even ask for. 

But partners were supposed to make you feel nice and warm and protected

I felt the opposite. 

This feeling, had kidnapped my conscience, 

I couldn’t  let go, 

I may have had the Stockholm syndrome  – to a feeling

A feeling of never being satisfied, 

You laugh, but it’s a serious one. 

Satisfaction is difficult to come by for me

I wandered  around the world, 

I went to the most amazing places 

And I felt nothing. 

The seven wonders of the world? 

Overrated. (Of course, I saw only the 6,until now) 

The wanderlust in me wanted to continue, 

But every other inch of me said,

 go back. 

This was my life, in a nutshell. 

I could be anywhere, in the world

Doing the most amazing things, 

but I would still wonder about the place I’m not at. 

What am I missing out? 

Ditching the plan, apologizing to the wanderlust, 

I was back home, as usual.  

Never satisfied could be a good thing, 

But not for me. 

I am never able to be satisfied, 

Whatever I did. 

And I convinced myself, I never would be-

Or so I thought. 

Then

one day, 

The day I met you

My brain stopped whirring

I didn’t think of being anywhere else. 

My mind didn’t want to be anywhere else

Instead, 

I was occupied by the brown in your eyes, 

The curls in your hair

The charm in your smile. 

Suddenly – 

Any place other than your arms seemed unnecessary to be in. 

And now, standing in front of the Great Pyramid, 

I look down at you and whisper 

‘ Yes. ‘

Because, 

Since the day I met you, 

I was never satisfied

Of Being anywhere

Without you. 

Standard

‘Before-After’

This past week, I went to Chennai to visit my cousin. It was the first time I visited Chennai after almost 2 years. It was wonderful thinking about how much I’ve changed, evolved as a person, since the last time the city saw me. 

The first time I was here, I came with my mom, she took care of everything and then she left. All I had to do was go for classes till noon and come back and study. And that’s all I did. I was all alone in a city I didn’t know and all I heard everyday in the phone calls from my parents and relatives was to be careful. So that’s what I did. I was careful. I shut myself up in that apartment and only went out for the daily dosage of CLAT prep. 

To me, Chennai was an intimidating city. Everything was new and scary. For instance, I walked to classes. And I remember how terrified I was of crossing roads. I even took the long way round if it meant that I could avoid crossing busy roads. 

And when my classes ended after 25 days, I didn’t want to travel in a train all by myself, so my uncle came all the way from Kerala to drop me back to Kerala. 

It all seems so silly now. Now I travel every chance I get. And If I’m alone, its better.  The roads aren’t intimidating anymore, it’s just annoying(how drivers refuse to stop!). I take care of all my needs myself. I feel independent and free.

Chennai always holds a special place in my heart, for, it’s where the second phase of my life started. 

Thinking about all these instances gives my a small sort of pride; this is character development right? 

Standard

Six more to go.

I was young when they announced Taj Mahal situated in Agra, India as one of the Seven Wonders of the New World. I remember thinking then that, this monument, made entirely of white marble, and semi precious stone and spent over 32 million at that time, must be a magnificent sight. I mean, why else would a TOMB and a building around it be named as one of the Wonders of the world, right?

This year, during March, I had the opportunity to visit, New Delhi. And I didn’t waste that, and immediately booked a tour ticket to Taj Mahal. My excitement was beyond words. I was so close,to witnessing a beauty of a building!

Finally, the day arrived. The people who organised the tour were smart. They took us to Agra Fort where we got the first view of the white marbled domes and the River Yamuna. The King Shah Jahan under who’s reign, the Taj Mahal was built wanted to see the beautiful building he built for her- Mumtaz Mahal, who was supposed to be his favorite wife, all the way from his palace, the Agra Fort.

All this history lessons lead up to the grand finale, the big one- Taj Mahal, aka, Crown Palace.

We entered through the west gate. We had to travel almost half a kilometer from where the bus was to the ticket counter. A Rs 40 ticket was all that stood between me and one of my childhood dreams. We started walking from the ticket counter to the gate.

And there it was. Through the doorway for the west gate, we could see the main dome of Taj Mahal. I had shivers all over my body. It was not how they described at all. It was much more that anyone could ever put into words. We walked forward, closer. Even though the white marble, was significantly yellow-ish, it still stood majestically. For a moment I didn’t know what to do, or say. All I could do was look at this marvel barely 500m away from me. It was crowded, filled with tourists and photographers asking us if we needed pictures, but my eyes didn’t move. They were set on, the beauty, Taj Mahal.

As we got closer, they beauty just increased. After the traditional picture-taking session, we entered the building. There they were- King Shah Jahan and his favorite wife, Mumtaz Mahal.* The cold air inside was soothing was walking under the scorching heat. We came outside again to a beautiful view of the river Yamuna. Even though, there was barely any water in it now, it must’ve looked beautiful long ago, when the Taj was built. We sat on the cold marble for a while and I couldn’t help but be spellbound by the sheer brilliance of artistic talent, just to make one building for the tomb of one person.

While leaving, I turned around and looked at it again. They say Taj Mahal  is the monument of love. It must be true. I was in love-

In love with the craftsmanship it took to build this;

In love with the folklore behind it,

In love with the emotions surround the building.

And that’s one down. Six more to go.

Continue reading

Standard

books. 

When buying new books, was your addiction 
Reading new books was pure joy

Smelling new books made your whole day

When did that change? 

Reading books is a task now

I am ashamed. 

Picking up a new book, 

Liking it

Reading it

And being obsessed with it

I miss that

I miss the book lover in me

She starved?

I starved her to death?

I’m scared. 

Going to second hand books stores

Returning with more books than I can carry

That happiness

That happiness brought on by buying cheap good books

When did that change? 

Who do I blame? 

Queen that rules my life-Time?  

Or my best friend-laziness? 

I am disappoi-

Oh, is that a new book by (x author)? 

Oooh, can i borrow it? 

Well, 

What can I say- 

Book lovers don’t really change, 

They’re just waiting for the right book. 

Standard

Untitled #2

2016. 

Wow,  what a year,  right. 2016 took so much from the world. It generally seemed like a sad year for everyone. 

For me, though. It was not bad of a year. I learnt so much, and honestly, I’m leaving the year smiling. 

Looking back, 

2016 was the year where I finally started enjoying my life as a college student. The year I realized that, this place I was in? Not too shabby. Interesting people all around. I just had to open my mind a little more. I had to understand that different people have different opinion. And that’s okay. You don’t always have to prove them wrong. You had to give everyone a chance. 

2016, the year of my first ever moot court. 

2016, where I had planned to travel to 5 places in my vision board, and I did. I went to new places and I got new experiences.Well,  I HAVE to travel more in 2017!

2016, where I had my first accident as a licensed driver. Scary, but I learned a lot, so no regrets there. 

2016; that time when we sat down and sang Yellow (and other songs) under the stars on the Calicut beach. 

2016, the year where we moved into a new home, truly ours. Not rented, not any relative’s but ours. That feeling when you get to decorate your OWN room, is beautiful. 

2016 is the year I recognized my strengths from the weaknesses and working on being a better person everyday. It’s progressed, but still ongoing. 

2016, the year of pride when I got a call in the morning saying something I wrote was published in the paper. It would seem extremely insignificant to others, but to me it meant the world. 
2016, the year when I reunited with old friends for four magnificent days. Pure happiness. Literally. 

2016, the year I made amazing new friendships unexpectedly.  I don’t think I will ever forget that night, I stayed up talking till 4am with them. Finding solace with the last person you thought you would. #midnightbuddies. 



2016 is when I realized that putting myself first is not a bad thing some times. Treat yo self amiright. 

2016, the year I saw that same WB logo on screen after  almost 5 years and cried with happiness. Potterhead, always. 

2016, the year of new obsessions. Kinda ruined my life, but still worth it. 

2016, the year i learned being a positive and kind person costs nothing, but feels great. 

2016, the year I made amazing plans for 2017.

2016, you sucked for the whole world. But you sucked a little less, for me atleast.

And 2017 cannot be all that bad.  After all we are starting the year off with a new Sherlock episode! 

Standard

A new year, a new me. 

A new year,  a new me!

I cried out to the world

But do you see

Do you see how vague was that phrase. 

I did too. 

However,  the most magical thing about adulthood is, 

You learn something new every moment, 

And so imagine;

Imagine what 366 days could do. 

A year ago, 

I was a different person. 

A person who was afraid, 

A person desperate to get out

A person unsatisfied. 

A year ago, 

My happiness did not  depend on my actions,

It was stuck in the hands of others

Friends, family all the same;

played hide and seek with it. 

My worth wasn’t determined by myself

I looked at them for approval

Needless to say, I didn’t think I was worth that much

In a world of diamonds and rubies, I was a pebble. 

But oh its a wonder

What 366 days can do to someone

A year ago, I gave up hope

I decided, I was destined to be mediocre,

But these 366  days was a wake up call

Not exactly a call; more of a slap in the face

Each of the 366 days taught me how to be a young adult in this world. 

It taught me to be passionate, 

Be adventurous, be spontaneous. 

I learnt to be kind to strangers, 

Show my affection and not bottle them up, 

To try new things, to take some risks. 

The past 366 days taught me to keep my happiness in myself

My happiness belonged to myself.

It taught me not everyone will love you and that’s okay

The important thing was that I loved myself. 

That everyday I looked in the mirror and said, 

I’m happy to be myself 

Finally,you see

It dawned on me, 

You needn’t wait for a new year, 

To turn your life around. 

My new year wasn’t January 1st

My new year is today, 

My new year is tomorrow

My new year starts whenever i make a change, 

My new year is everyday. 

Standard