Dear younger me

Hello me. How are you? Probably super happy. That’s good.

I’ve got some things to say kid, listen up. 

You’ll never be society’s definition of beauty and you’ll be constantly reminded of that even when you’re 19. But learn to embrace yourself. It must be easier for you, because you’re young now. I’ve already grown up believing it was cool to hate myself. Don’t make that mistake again. 

Don’t turn into a socially inept person, please. Just because your favorite youtuber says that they’re socially awkward, doesn’t mean you have to be like that too. Well, you’ll learn that the hard way. 

Don’t avoid hugging people. You’ll just end up older and hug-less because people think you hate hugging. Stop denying hugs. 

Spend more time with mom and dad. You’ll end up moving away and missing them all the time, because no one is as understanding as they are. Remember that. No matter how “cool” and open minded they seem. 

Stop wanting to get away from where you grew up. It’s a wonderul city and you’ll yearn to come back AS SOON AS you leave. Enjoy the time you spend here, with your friends. 

Also,  don’t worry. You’ll have some great friends.

One of the most important thing I have to instill in you, is to trust yourself. I know its hard for you to trust anybody, but don’t include yourself in that. Trust your own decisions. 

People will leave, but better people will come along, so don’t be so melodramatic all the time. Chill. You’re a child.

Birthdays are Overrated. Don’t be a dudley. 

Be kind to everyone. Oh my God, you think being mean is so cool right now don’t you? It’s not. Please be kind to people. 

You keep growing up, you keep changing everyday. Don’t feel stupid for liking something you didn’t before or disliking something you liked. It’s not the end of the world. 

Express yourself well. Express your affections. It’s important. 

Life is not too difficult, especially for you, kid. Laugh it off. Toodles. 
(Inspired by Dodie Clark’s video.) 

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It’s 2am

 It’s s 2am and the whole world is silent

And you are forced to listen to your own thoughts 

And that voice inside your head gets louder 

Your regrets get stronger

You question every decision you made

At 2am your thoughts, the world is asleep

you aren’t 

And your thoughts get louder

You can’t seem to stop them

They’re too loud 

Its 2am and you want to scream 

Because your thoughts are already doing that inside your mind

The demons under your bed seem less scary than the ones inside your head;

You can’t seem to face your naked thoughts 

Your thoughts, so pure, so resonating 

You can’t escape it. 

Your mind turns into a radio, you can’t shut down

Its 2am and the world’s dreaming 

But your thoughts become words

Unfiltered , real. 

You might regret them the next morning, 

But they’re said 

After all it’s 2am.

(i literally wrote this, sleep deprived, at 2am . might not make a lot of sense.) 

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Untitled #1

Someone recently told me how they hated feeling “down” /sad. And they needed some quick fixes.

-listen to some sad songs/watch sad videos. Cry it out. I usually do that.

-talk to friends/anybody.

-watch a rom-com.I feel like they are made for nights like these.

-watch FRIENDS.

-dance around for a bit. Works every time.

– have a talk with yourself. You should be your own best friend. Vv important.

-embrace your ‘sad feeling.’ don’t shun it away in pretense of being a “strong”  person. Been there, done that. Doesn’t end well.

-take a shower. Cold/hot whatevz. Just make yourself clean. Cleaning your body helps cleansing your mind.

-sometimes i make myself look nice by trying out different hairstyles etc and that distracts me and it works. (narcissism! It works!)

-write about it. Vent it out.

-hugs. I used to be a person who hated hugs. Now i want one on a regular basis. Hugs are #1 stress relievers.

-read your old facebook statuses/captions. Will make you cringe and happy that you’ve grown a lot from then.

-sleep it off.
Of course there isn’t a specific way to make yourself feel better. Some days, you won’t be able to feel better. Some days you wouldn’t WANT to feel better(been there).  That’s okay. As long as you keep trying, the next day. Being sad is not a disease. It isn’t a sign of weakness. Don’t treat it like one.

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What I learnt from YouTube.

 

What can you LEARN from YouTube? Isn’t that just a site for cute cat videos?

I beg to differ, my friends. YouTube has taught me so much; Made me a better person.

And I would like to share four of my favorite youtubers and what they’ve taught me in the years that I’ve been watching them.

Firstly, everyone who knows me, knows that I am obsessed with Dan Howell and Phil Lester. Honestly, I have no regrets. I accept, I AM obsessed. You know why? They make me immensely happy.

Phil Lester, aka amazingphil, has taught me what it is to be a kind human being. Some would say, he is human being goals (me. It’s me. I say that.) He is one of the nicest and non controversial youtuber I watch. Whenever I am stressing out over something, I just watch one of Phil’s videos and his quirkiness and his vibes cheer me up. He has achieved so much over these past few years, and a part of me would like to say, that I’m proud; And it also motivates me to work for my goals. Phil is like a ray of sunshine, on a dark cloudy day.

Now, if Phil Lester was a ray of sunshine on a dark cloudy day, Dan Howell, aka danisnotonfire, would be that dark cloudy day. Dan is the ‘relatable’ one. He talks about his insecurities and his failure as a human being, in humorous ways, and suddenly you feel okay about YOUR insecurities whether it is about being an introvert or being socially awkward; Because Dan is, and look where he is now! If he could pull that off, I can do it too.

My next favorite youtuber would be Lilly Singh, aka Superwoman. I’d like to stress that if I work at all, instead of procrastinating, it’s because I’ve watched one of Superwoman’s videos. From her videos it becomes clear that she works very hard for everything that she has ever achieved. She is the biggest motivator in my life, right now. She is funny, smart, kind, loving and everyday she’s hustlin’. She’s reached where she is, by sheer hard work and that is some inspirational stuff right there. I can safely say that my life has changed, for good, at least a bit, because of Lilly Singh. She is some woman goals, right there.

And lastly, I absolutely LOVE John Douglass, aka Jacksfilms. In my opinion, he is one of the underrated youtubers out there. His sarcasm and sass levels are what I aim to achieve. I don’t usually enjoy insult humor, but if I had to, I would choose Jack’s (He hates going by ‘John’). Also, his relationship is relationship goals. Just sayin’.

These four youtubers, who have no idea I exist change my life everyday. Maybe in small amounts, but they do. They inspire and motivate millions of people to achieve their dreams and I’m one of them.

It’s hard being a full time youtuber, because even now, not everyone takes them seriously because it isn’t a conventional job. But all these people started their channels to spread joy, positivity and humor to the people out there and they continue to do so. And in doing so, they change the world, a little by little.

(Or this is just some fancy way of justifying myself watching YouTube videos during the major part of a day. )

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Sitra.

Sitra.

One word that brings back millions of memories. The place where I attended primary school.

Those enormous green gates was where I learnt from how to spell my name, to give my first speech on stage.

The first thing I remember about the school was that small play area. Sandy floor and monkey bars gave me unforgettable recesses; the slides have seen so many little arguments of whose turn it is to so many moments of pride, climbing up the slide! From ring-’round-the-roses to ice and water. We grew up fast, the play area always remained the same.

This school gave me so many good friends and my first best friend. We literally were inseparable that some years we even ASKED to be in the same class. Those were fun days. Sometimes, I miss her and the good times we had, a lot.

I remember once in 3rd grade we had to write a description for the picture given for an English exam. It was a picture with a man pointing a gun at another on a plane, so I wrote “This plane was hijacked.” My teacher was impressed and that was my first ever compliment for something I wrote (even though it was just for one word!)

Another time, when I was the senior most at school, 4th grade, I was called to give a voice over for a play done by the juniors. Reluctant as I was, I did it. And after the show so many people told me how fluent my speech was and how great my voice sounded over the mic. Definitely an encouragement for someone who used to shy away from any sort of microphone-events. That gave me an immense morale boost.

I was once asked to read a news on stage for my class assembly and I fumbled and read “26th January” as “26th December”. The teacher chided me, but my friends laughed it off. That was the day I learnt what friendship meant. It makes me feel nice that I still am in touch with some of these friends. You get people like these, once in a lifetime.

This school was a place of wonder, laughter, curiosity, tears and happiness.

The place with that dance class that we ran to for practice because it meant getting out of classes.

The place where I learnt the value of friendship.

The place where I recognized some talents I should use and others that I should never, ever do (DRAWING.)

The place where I made so many mistake and learnt a little from each one.

But most of all I miss the Sitra campus, because we used to get doughnuts for 100 fils! We don’t get that anywhere anymore.

And the fact that, the red and white buildings aren’t there anymore is a little sad. But hey, it may as well be called Mini Hogwarts because it added a little bit of magic to my childhood (mini because the campus was really small.)

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Daily Prompt: Silence

via Daily Prompt: Silence

I was taught that silence was golden, so i kept quiet when my baba hugged my brother and not me.

I was taught that silence was golden, so I kept quiet when I was taught how to cook and not how to read.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when my 45 year old ‘chacha‘ had his fun with me.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when I suddenly had a 50 year old husband to take care of as soon as I started to bleed.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he took out his anger on me everyday.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when his friends and him played ‘games’ with me.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he asked me leave my little girls because they would be ‘burdens’.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet as he kept trying to have a boy.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he left me, because he got bored eventually.

I was taught silence was golden, so i keep quiet in the dark alley as i draw my last breath.

And I was going to be silent, for one last time.

 

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The yellow sheets.

They came out of the dryer, fresh- like my memories of it. 

These sheets were what I saw everyday (alternating with the blue ones) for almost 25 days. They saw me crying out of loneliness, frustration, sadness. They’ve seen droppings of pizza crust. They’ve seen the sweat while sleeping, because it was bloody hot. Most importantly, they’ve seen me change as a person in just 25 days. 

It’s still hard to believe. When I walked in the first day with amma, to the 2BHK apartment, all i could think was “oh lord there are more rooms here than the people living here!” 

I, who spent 17 years sheltered under the protective wings of my parents, was suddenly left, to fly alone. The unexpected freedom was… strange. “How do I not spend through all of my cash in the first week?”  I didn’t have any control! What was my parents doing leaving me alone in a new city! 

Studies took up most of my time there; because I didn’t have a TV nor wifi. Funny story, I’d taken a postpaid connection and my bill for the FIRST WEEK was Rs 2000. Clearly, I had absolutely no clue about the pricing here. My dad quickly changed my sim to a pre-paid one. Good thinking, dad.

Spending all my life in a middle east country, taxes were something foreign. So when I bought my first coffee from CCD worth, Rs 80 and paid almost Rs 150 for it, I couldn’t believe it. I stuck to street food after that.

Everyone warned me about the Chennai heat. I thought it would be fine since I came from a desert like nation. What I failed to count in was, even though the summers in Bahrain were hot, I didn’t feel it much as there was Air Conditioning all around me. So the heat was pretty much unbearable. I resort to sleeping on the floor because it was the coolest. 

What i think about the most is that, I was alone in a new city; yet I spent most of my time in my flat, with my yellow sheet. It will hold the memories of the transition of a young, spoilt, introverted mama’s girl to a pretty strong, confident, girl who I’d say is an ambivert now. 

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