‘Before-After’

This past week, I went to Chennai to visit my cousin. It was the first time I visited Chennai after almost 2 years. It was wonderful thinking about how much I’ve changed, evolved as a person, since the last time the city saw me. 

The first time I was here, I came with my mom, she took care of everything and then she left. All I had to do was go for classes till noon and come back and study. And that’s all I did. I was all alone in a city I didn’t know and all I heard everyday in the phone calls from my parents and relatives was to be careful. So that’s what I did. I was careful. I shut myself up in that apartment and only went out for the daily dosage of CLAT prep. 

To me, Chennai was an intimidating city. Everything was new and scary. For instance, I walked to classes. And I remember how terrified I was of crossing roads. I even took the long way round if it meant that I could avoid crossing busy roads. 

And when my classes ended after 25 days, I didn’t want to travel in a train all by myself, so my uncle came all the way from Kerala to drop me back to Kerala. 

It all seems so silly now. Now I travel every chance I get. And If I’m alone, its better.  The roads aren’t intimidating anymore, it’s just annoying(how drivers refuse to stop!). I take care of all my needs myself. I feel independent and free.

Chennai always holds a special place in my heart, for, it’s where the second phase of my life started. 

Thinking about all these instances gives my a small sort of pride; this is character development right? 

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books. 

When buying new books, was your addiction 
Reading new books was pure joy

Smelling new books made your whole day

When did that change? 

Reading books is a task now

I am ashamed. 

Picking up a new book, 

Liking it

Reading it

And being obsessed with it

I miss that

I miss the book lover in me

She starved?

I starved her to death?

I’m scared. 

Going to second hand books stores

Returning with more books than I can carry

That happiness

That happiness brought on by buying cheap good books

When did that change? 

Who do I blame? 

Queen that rules my life-Time?  

Or my best friend-laziness? 

I am disappoi-

Oh, is that a new book by (x author)? 

Oooh, can i borrow it? 

Well, 

What can I say- 

Book lovers don’t really change, 

They’re just waiting for the right book. 

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2016. 

Wow,  what a year,  right. 2016 took so much from the world. It generally seemed like a sad year for everyone. 

For me, though. It was not bad of a year. I learnt so much, and honestly, I’m leaving the year smiling. 

Looking back, 

2016 was the year where I finally started enjoying my life as a college student. The year I realized that, this place I was in? Not too shabby. Interesting people all around. I just had to open my mind a little more. I had to understand that different people have different opinion. And that’s okay. You don’t always have to prove them wrong. You had to give everyone a chance. 

2016, the year of my first ever moot court. 

2016, where I had planned to travel to 5 places in my vision board, and I did. I went to new places and I got new experiences.Well,  I HAVE to travel more in 2017!

2016, where I had my first accident as a licensed driver. Scary, but I learned a lot, so no regrets there. 

2016; that time when we sat down and sang Yellow (and other songs) under the stars on the Calicut beach. 

2016, the year where we moved into a new home, truly ours. Not rented, not any relative’s but ours. That feeling when you get to decorate your OWN room, is beautiful. 

2016 is the year I recognized my strengths from the weaknesses and working on being a better person everyday. It’s progressed, but still ongoing. 

2016, the year of pride when I got a call in the morning saying something I wrote was published in the paper. It would seem extremely insignificant to others, but to me it meant the world. 
2016, the year when I reunited with old friends for four magnificent days. Pure happiness. Literally. 

2016, the year I made amazing new friendships unexpectedly.  I don’t think I will ever forget that night, I stayed up talking till 4am with them. Finding solace with the last person you thought you would. #midnightbuddies. 



2016 is when I realized that putting myself first is not a bad thing some times. Treat yo self amiright. 

2016, the year I saw that same WB logo on screen after  almost 5 years and cried with happiness. Potterhead, always. 

2016, the year of new obsessions. Kinda ruined my life, but still worth it. 

2016, the year i learned being a positive and kind person costs nothing, but feels great. 

2016, the year I made amazing plans for 2017.

2016, you sucked for the whole world. But you sucked a little less, for me atleast.

And 2017 cannot be all that bad.  After all we are starting the year off with a new Sherlock episode! 

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A new year, a new me. 

A new year,  a new me!

I cried out to the world

But do you see

Do you see how vague was that phrase. 

I did too. 

However,  the most magical thing about adulthood is, 

You learn something new every moment, 

And so imagine;

Imagine what 366 days could do. 

A year ago, 

I was a different person. 

A person who was afraid, 

A person desperate to get out

A person unsatisfied. 

A year ago, 

My happiness did not  depend on my actions,

It was stuck in the hands of others

Friends, family all the same;

played hide and seek with it. 

My worth wasn’t determined by myself

I looked at them for approval

Needless to say, I didn’t think I was worth that much

In a world of diamonds and rubies, I was a pebble. 

But oh its a wonder

What 366 days can do to someone

A year ago, I gave up hope

I decided, I was destined to be mediocre,

But these 366  days was a wake up call

Not exactly a call; more of a slap in the face

Each of the 366 days taught me how to be a young adult in this world. 

It taught me to be passionate, 

Be adventurous, be spontaneous. 

I learnt to be kind to strangers, 

Show my affection and not bottle them up, 

To try new things, to take some risks. 

The past 366 days taught me to keep my happiness in myself

My happiness belonged to myself.

It taught me not everyone will love you and that’s okay

The important thing was that I loved myself. 

That everyday I looked in the mirror and said, 

I’m happy to be myself 

Finally,you see

It dawned on me, 

You needn’t wait for a new year, 

To turn your life around. 

My new year wasn’t January 1st

My new year is today, 

My new year is tomorrow

My new year starts whenever i make a change, 

My new year is everyday. 

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Dear younger me

Hello me. How are you? Probably super happy. That’s good.

I’ve got some things to say kid, listen up. 

You’ll never be society’s definition of beauty and you’ll be constantly reminded of that even when you’re 19. But learn to embrace yourself. It must be easier for you, because you’re young now. I’ve already grown up believing it was cool to hate myself. Don’t make that mistake again. 

Don’t turn into a socially inept person, please. Just because your favorite youtuber says that they’re socially awkward, doesn’t mean you have to be like that too. Well, you’ll learn that the hard way. 

Don’t avoid hugging people. You’ll just end up older and hug-less because people think you hate hugging. Stop denying hugs. 

Spend more time with mom and dad. You’ll end up moving away and missing them all the time, because no one is as understanding as they are. Remember that. No matter how “cool” and open minded they seem. 

Stop wanting to get away from where you grew up. It’s a wonderul city and you’ll yearn to come back AS SOON AS you leave. Enjoy the time you spend here, with your friends. 

Also,  don’t worry. You’ll have some great friends.

One of the most important thing I have to instill in you, is to trust yourself. I know its hard for you to trust anybody, but don’t include yourself in that. Trust your own decisions. 

People will leave, but better people will come along, so don’t be so melodramatic all the time. Chill. You’re a child.

Birthdays are Overrated. Don’t be a dudley. 

Be kind to everyone. Oh my God, you think being mean is so cool right now don’t you? It’s not. Please be kind to people. 

You keep growing up, you keep changing everyday. Don’t feel stupid for liking something you didn’t before or disliking something you liked. It’s not the end of the world. 

Express yourself well. Express your affections. It’s important. 

Life is not too difficult, especially for you, kid. Laugh it off. Toodles. 
(Inspired by Dodie Clark’s video.) 

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Someone recently told me how they hated feeling “down” /sad. And they needed some quick fixes.

-listen to some sad songs/watch sad videos. Cry it out. I usually do that.

-talk to friends/anybody.

-watch a rom-com.I feel like they are made for nights like these.

-watch FRIENDS.

-dance around for a bit. Works every time.

– have a talk with yourself. You should be your own best friend. Vv important.

-embrace your ‘sad feeling.’ don’t shun it away in pretense of being a “strong”  person. Been there, done that. Doesn’t end well.

-take a shower. Cold/hot whatevz. Just make yourself clean. Cleaning your body helps cleansing your mind.

-sometimes i make myself look nice by trying out different hairstyles etc and that distracts me and it works. (narcissism! It works!)

-write about it. Vent it out.

-hugs. I used to be a person who hated hugs. Now i want one on a regular basis. Hugs are #1 stress relievers.

-read your old facebook statuses/captions. Will make you cringe and happy that you’ve grown a lot from then.

-sleep it off.
Of course there isn’t a specific way to make yourself feel better. Some days, you won’t be able to feel better. Some days you wouldn’t WANT to feel better(been there).  That’s okay. As long as you keep trying, the next day. Being sad is not a disease. It isn’t a sign of weakness. Don’t treat it like one.

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What I learnt from YouTube.

 

What can you LEARN from YouTube? Isn’t that just a site for cute cat videos?

I beg to differ, my friends. YouTube has taught me so much; Made me a better person.

And I would like to share four of my favorite youtubers and what they’ve taught me in the years that I’ve been watching them.

Firstly, everyone who knows me, knows that I am obsessed with Dan Howell and Phil Lester. Honestly, I have no regrets. I accept, I AM obsessed. You know why? They make me immensely happy.

Phil Lester, aka amazingphil, has taught me what it is to be a kind human being. Some would say, he is human being goals (me. It’s me. I say that.) He is one of the nicest and non controversial youtuber I watch. Whenever I am stressing out over something, I just watch one of Phil’s videos and his quirkiness and his vibes cheer me up. He has achieved so much over these past few years, and a part of me would like to say, that I’m proud; And it also motivates me to work for my goals. Phil is like a ray of sunshine, on a dark cloudy day.

Now, if Phil Lester was a ray of sunshine on a dark cloudy day, Dan Howell, aka danisnotonfire, would be that dark cloudy day. Dan is the ‘relatable’ one. He talks about his insecurities and his failure as a human being, in humorous ways, and suddenly you feel okay about YOUR insecurities whether it is about being an introvert or being socially awkward; Because Dan is, and look where he is now! If he could pull that off, I can do it too.

My next favorite youtuber would be Lilly Singh, aka Superwoman. I’d like to stress that if I work at all, instead of procrastinating, it’s because I’ve watched one of Superwoman’s videos. From her videos it becomes clear that she works very hard for everything that she has ever achieved. She is the biggest motivator in my life, right now. She is funny, smart, kind, loving and everyday she’s hustlin’. She’s reached where she is, by sheer hard work and that is some inspirational stuff right there. I can safely say that my life has changed, for good, at least a bit, because of Lilly Singh. She is some woman goals, right there.

And lastly, I absolutely LOVE John Douglass, aka Jacksfilms. In my opinion, he is one of the underrated youtubers out there. His sarcasm and sass levels are what I aim to achieve. I don’t usually enjoy insult humor, but if I had to, I would choose Jack’s (He hates going by ‘John’). Also, his relationship is relationship goals. Just sayin’.

These four youtubers, who have no idea I exist change my life everyday. Maybe in small amounts, but they do. They inspire and motivate millions of people to achieve their dreams and I’m one of them.

It’s hard being a full time youtuber, because even now, not everyone takes them seriously because it isn’t a conventional job. But all these people started their channels to spread joy, positivity and humor to the people out there and they continue to do so. And in doing so, they change the world, a little by little.

(Or this is just some fancy way of justifying myself watching YouTube videos during the major part of a day. )

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