Untitled #3

Standing there pouring sunscreen onto my face, 

I look at the oh-so-wonderful hanging gardens of babylon 

Working my way up the 7 wonders of the world, 

I should’ve felt happy;ecstatic. 

But I felt like I was in the Sahara Desert, 

Walking around for some water, 

To quench my thirst. 

But this thirst, 

This thirst didn’t go away so easily. 

It was difficult to explain- yet easy to feel

This thirst, that’s been there with me for so long, 

It had been my silent partner, 

Some partner, I didn’t even ask for. 

But partners were supposed to make you feel nice and warm and protected

I felt the opposite. 

This feeling, had kidnapped my conscience, 

I couldn’t  let go, 

I may have had the Stockholm syndrome  – to a feeling

A feeling of never being satisfied, 

You laugh, but it’s a serious one. 

Satisfaction is difficult to come by for me

I wandered  around the world, 

I went to the most amazing places 

And I felt nothing. 

The seven wonders of the world? 

Overrated. (Of course, I saw only the 6,until now) 

The wanderlust in me wanted to continue, 

But every other inch of me said,

 go back. 

This was my life, in a nutshell. 

I could be anywhere, in the world

Doing the most amazing things, 

but I would still wonder about the place I’m not at. 

What am I missing out? 

Ditching the plan, apologizing to the wanderlust, 

I was back home, as usual.  

Never satisfied could be a good thing, 

But not for me. 

I am never able to be satisfied, 

Whatever I did. 

And I convinced myself, I never would be-

Or so I thought. 

Then

one day, 

The day I met you

My brain stopped whirring

I didn’t think of being anywhere else. 

My mind didn’t want to be anywhere else

Instead, 

I was occupied by the brown in your eyes, 

The curls in your hair

The charm in your smile. 

Suddenly – 

Any place other than your arms seemed unnecessary to be in. 

And now, standing in front of the Great Pyramid, 

I look down at you and whisper 

‘ Yes. ‘

Because, 

Since the day I met you, 

I was never satisfied

Of Being anywhere

Without you. 

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books. 

When buying new books, was your addiction 
Reading new books was pure joy

Smelling new books made your whole day

When did that change? 

Reading books is a task now

I am ashamed. 

Picking up a new book, 

Liking it

Reading it

And being obsessed with it

I miss that

I miss the book lover in me

She starved?

I starved her to death?

I’m scared. 

Going to second hand books stores

Returning with more books than I can carry

That happiness

That happiness brought on by buying cheap good books

When did that change? 

Who do I blame? 

Queen that rules my life-Time?  

Or my best friend-laziness? 

I am disappoi-

Oh, is that a new book by (x author)? 

Oooh, can i borrow it? 

Well, 

What can I say- 

Book lovers don’t really change, 

They’re just waiting for the right book. 

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Untitled #1

Someone recently told me how they hated feeling “down” /sad. And they needed some quick fixes.

-listen to some sad songs/watch sad videos. Cry it out. I usually do that.

-talk to friends/anybody.

-watch a rom-com.I feel like they are made for nights like these.

-watch FRIENDS.

-dance around for a bit. Works every time.

– have a talk with yourself. You should be your own best friend. Vv important.

-embrace your ‘sad feeling.’ don’t shun it away in pretense of being a “strong”  person. Been there, done that. Doesn’t end well.

-take a shower. Cold/hot whatevz. Just make yourself clean. Cleaning your body helps cleansing your mind.

-sometimes i make myself look nice by trying out different hairstyles etc and that distracts me and it works. (narcissism! It works!)

-write about it. Vent it out.

-hugs. I used to be a person who hated hugs. Now i want one on a regular basis. Hugs are #1 stress relievers.

-read your old facebook statuses/captions. Will make you cringe and happy that you’ve grown a lot from then.

-sleep it off.
Of course there isn’t a specific way to make yourself feel better. Some days, you won’t be able to feel better. Some days you wouldn’t WANT to feel better(been there).  That’s okay. As long as you keep trying, the next day. Being sad is not a disease. It isn’t a sign of weakness. Don’t treat it like one.

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Sitra.

Sitra.

One word that brings back millions of memories. The place where I attended primary school.

Those enormous green gates was where I learnt from how to spell my name, to give my first speech on stage.

The first thing I remember about the school was that small play area. Sandy floor and monkey bars gave me unforgettable recesses; the slides have seen so many little arguments of whose turn it is to so many moments of pride, climbing up the slide! From ring-’round-the-roses to ice and water. We grew up fast, the play area always remained the same.

This school gave me so many good friends and my first best friend. We literally were inseparable that some years we even ASKED to be in the same class. Those were fun days. Sometimes, I miss her and the good times we had, a lot.

I remember once in 3rd grade we had to write a description for the picture given for an English exam. It was a picture with a man pointing a gun at another on a plane, so I wrote “This plane was hijacked.” My teacher was impressed and that was my first ever compliment for something I wrote (even though it was just for one word!)

Another time, when I was the senior most at school, 4th grade, I was called to give a voice over for a play done by the juniors. Reluctant as I was, I did it. And after the show so many people told me how fluent my speech was and how great my voice sounded over the mic. Definitely an encouragement for someone who used to shy away from any sort of microphone-events. That gave me an immense morale boost.

I was once asked to read a news on stage for my class assembly and I fumbled and read “26th January” as “26th December”. The teacher chided me, but my friends laughed it off. That was the day I learnt what friendship meant. It makes me feel nice that I still am in touch with some of these friends. You get people like these, once in a lifetime.

This school was a place of wonder, laughter, curiosity, tears and happiness.

The place with that dance class that we ran to for practice because it meant getting out of classes.

The place where I learnt the value of friendship.

The place where I recognized some talents I should use and others that I should never, ever do (DRAWING.)

The place where I made so many mistake and learnt a little from each one.

But most of all I miss the Sitra campus, because we used to get doughnuts for 100 fils! We don’t get that anywhere anymore.

And the fact that, the red and white buildings aren’t there anymore is a little sad. But hey, it may as well be called Mini Hogwarts because it added a little bit of magic to my childhood (mini because the campus was really small.)

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Father’s Day

Seasons changed,
Skies grew warmer,
The air up here got stronger,
Yet the memories remained the same.

You held my hand ,
You pulled me up,
You made me feel safe,
And I did.

Why did you leave so soon?

I’m back here,
our favorite spot full of flowers,
Your favorite kind;

Yet they seem sad;
Strange? How flowers seem sad?
The only logical reason
They miss you.

I miss you.
Why did you leave so soon?

As I walked up,
The clouds grew darker and heavier.
They poured and poured,
I realized they were crying for you, too.

Even the stones seemed angry
Piercing into my naked foot

Blood smears marked my way,
Though, I wouldn’t need them.

Why did you leave so soon?

I’m up here,
Where we sat for hours
Sometimes talking , sometimes in comfortable silence.
The majestic view of the mountain always astounded us,
Don’t you remember?

But now,everything seems so insignificant,
All colors seem so dull;
Only the bright blue sky invited me home.
Home, to you.

I fall to the ground hoping to reach above,
I laugh at the irony;

The descent seemed to take centuries,
The trees seemed to wave goodbye,
I smile-

Don’t worry dad,
Your little girl is coming home, to you.
The perfect gift for Father’s day.

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Conversations.

“You’re what everyone looks for,
Yet, how is it that people rarely find you?
Of course, flashing lights don’t point to you,
Sometimes you’re so well hidden,
Nobody notices you;
Ninja aren’t ya?”

Smiling, you said
“I was always there.”

It flashed before my eyes;
The one that got away,
The one that broke me,
The one I broke,
The one who walked away,

“No, not always.
I had been mended time and again,
Made to believe you existed,
I tried to find you.
From Shakespearean sonnets
To tumblr quotes,
All they ever spoke about was you.
Then why did I not find you?
You weren’t always there.
You were never there.”

“You didn’t search for me,
The real me;
I was there as your mother’s food,
The one she made, after her tiring day.
I was there as your father’s support,
Even that time you failed the test.
I was there as your best friend,
Laughing at silly things to cheer you up.
I was there as your teacher,
Giving you that extra mark to boost your grade.
I was there as that stranger,
Helping you up after you tripped.

I was always there all around,
Someway.
Look for me in the smallest of things;
And you’ll always find me:love.”

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