I imagine myself, running from the sidewalk, all the way, on the sand, to the waves and by the time I reach, I’m overwhelmed with emotions – happiness, relief, pent-up sadness- and tears form. But those tears make me feel alive. Those tears are a privilege.

I imagine, when I feel the water touch my feet, ever so slightly, and I’ll think of all those days when I couldn’t fathom entering muthassi’s room without washing my hands and feet. I was afraid for her. Yet here I stand, with glee over salty water washing away the sand from underneath me. The glee is a privilege.

I imagine, when I finally feel the warm sunshine on my face, I’ll smile. I’ll think about the days where I longed to feel the scorching sun rays on my face, just for a little while to ward off the anxiety and stress the dark rooms made me feel. Now here I am, sweating profusely, washing away the sunscreen I had put on. The sunscreen is a privilege.

I imagine when this is all over, life will be the same. Birds will chirp, cars will honk, deadlines will be met, exams will be written. I imagine the only difference to be that the hugs will be longer, the theatres will run housefull, social media traffic will reduce, plane traffic will double up, the playgrounds will hear giggles, libraries, restaurants, cafes, markets, streets, every place will be full and our houses will be empty and I imagine everyone is well, healthy and happy. Imagination is a privilege.



-‘When I’m older I want to be a scientist!’

-‘Yes, why not? Be a great one and get a job in ISRO or NASA’

I was taught greatness

Greatness in studies

In singing

In dancing

In Speaking


I wasn’t taught the meaning of the word mediocre.


Well obviously, because I didn’t need it.

A 12 year old pops up on a singing show

Suddenly, I am in a music class

aiming for nothing less than the Grammy’s.

A 16 year old wins a nobel prize,

And there I was, googling “‘astrophysics for dummies’

even though it was a business studies text open in front of me.

Anything less than greatness was unacceptable to me.

Aim for the moon and land among the stars?

Nah, scratch that, I wanted to land on Mars instead

Greater than any human being ever

The young me, full of hope,

aimed for nothing less than greatness, as she was taught,

in everything she did

But somehow

every time she tried something,

she was just average



People ask me what am i most afraid of,

I say, deep ocean

a lie

because what i am, have been, and will be most afraid of in my life

ever since I learned it’s definition

is being mediocre

to lead a mediocre life

And what if there is no solution?

What if that is my destiny?

I could try my best,

I could put in all I have into everything I do,


what if

my greatest

is the world’s





For A Legend

Dear Chester,

Yesterday was the concert. A concert for you. A tribute to you, a legend.

A lot of your friends sang for you, a lot of your fans sang along with them from the Arena and watching it on their screens. Everybody was so strong. It was so nice to see. We missed you. A lot.

During the concert, Mike sang In the end, and before starting he asked “You guys know which part to sing right?. It broke me; because of course, we knew which part to sing. Your parts. The ones where you bellowed your heart out, or sang with so much emotion that literally saved so many of us. The ones which you’ll never sing from here on now.

You had to be there Chaz. So many people came out to honor you. You walked away from life feeling sad and lonely but if you were there last night you never would’ve felt that way.

When you passed, I cried. For days on end, I cried at various points. It felt silly to other people. He was just a singer from a band. He doesn’t even know you exist, why are you this upset? 

But little did they know how much you meant to me. Every song you sang was for me. So what if you didn’t know me? You were always there for me. Your music saved me. I started listening to you because of my brother and we’ve shared so many memories because of the songs. Whenever Linkin Park released new music, we couldn’t wait to listen to all of them and discuss which ones were our favorites. (Spoilers: I always loved the songs where you scream the most.)

And even now, whenever I feel lonely or sad I just listen to Numb or In the end or What I’ve done or even Heavy. They mean so much to me and I feel like, they meant so much to you.

I still miss you and I still cannot believe you are gone. You are gone without a chance for me to meet you, hug you and thank you for, well, being you.

You saved thousands of lives, but nobody could save you. We’re sorry. But we love you so much and hope you’ve finally found the peace you wanted.

The sun set for you Chester, but, God, I wish it hadn’t.


Someone who wishes you were here with your bubbly face and screaming voice to sooth this pain.






When buying new books, was your addiction 
Reading new books was pure joy

Smelling new books made your whole day

When did that change? 

Reading books is a task now

I am ashamed. 

Picking up a new book, 

Liking it

Reading it

And being obsessed with it

I miss that

I miss the book lover in me

She starved?

I starved her to death?

I’m scared. 

Going to second hand books stores

Returning with more books than I can carry

That happiness

That happiness brought on by buying cheap good books

When did that change? 

Who do I blame? 

Queen that rules my life-Time?  

Or my best friend-laziness? 

I am disappoi-

Oh, is that a new book by (x author)? 

Oooh, can i borrow it? 


What can I say- 

Book lovers don’t really change, 

They’re just waiting for the right book. 


Untitled #1

Someone recently told me how they hated feeling “down” /sad. And they needed some quick fixes.

-listen to some sad songs/watch sad videos. Cry it out. I usually do that.

-talk to friends/anybody.

-watch a rom-com.I feel like they are made for nights like these.

-watch FRIENDS.

-dance around for a bit. Works every time.

– have a talk with yourself. You should be your own best friend. Vv important.

-embrace your ‘sad feeling.’ don’t shun it away in pretense of being a “strong”  person. Been there, done that. Doesn’t end well.

-take a shower. Cold/hot whatevz. Just make yourself clean. Cleaning your body helps cleansing your mind.

-sometimes i make myself look nice by trying out different hairstyles etc and that distracts me and it works. (narcissism! It works!)

-write about it. Vent it out.

-hugs. I used to be a person who hated hugs. Now i want one on a regular basis. Hugs are #1 stress relievers.

-read your old facebook statuses/captions. Will make you cringe and happy that you’ve grown a lot from then.

-sleep it off.
Of course there isn’t a specific way to make yourself feel better. Some days, you won’t be able to feel better. Some days you wouldn’t WANT to feel better(been there).  That’s okay. As long as you keep trying, the next day. Being sad is not a disease. It isn’t a sign of weakness. Don’t treat it like one.


Daily Prompt: Silence

via Daily Prompt: Silence

I was taught that silence was golden, so i kept quiet when my baba hugged my brother and not me.

I was taught that silence was golden, so I kept quiet when I was taught how to cook and not how to read.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when my 45 year old ‘chacha‘ had his fun with me.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when I suddenly had a 50 year old husband to take care of as soon as I started to bleed.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he took out his anger on me everyday.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when his friends and him played ‘games’ with me.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he asked me leave my little girls because they would be ‘burdens’.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet as he kept trying to have a boy.

I was taught silence was golden, so I kept quiet when he left me, because he got bored eventually.

I was taught silence was golden, so i keep quiet in the dark alley as i draw my last breath.

And I was going to be silent, for one last time.